Because it's the eve of my LAST Chemo!!!
It's kindof like Christmas eve....but not.
It feels almost too good to be true. It's so hard to believe that after months (has it only been months?) of dealing with the effects of chemotherapy I'll actually be free! No more bloodwork, no more weigh ins, oncology appointments, no more needles, no more of that hospital smell that clings to me, no more hours and hours in the chemo waiting room, no more constant nausea, no more piles of meds, no more feeling like I'm in perpetual hibernation, no more anticipating the worst, no more waiting for life post chemo. My bizarre life as I have known it for the past 5 months is about to change..... again. Wow.
And it can't come fast enough as lately I am looking more and more like the stereotypical image of "the cancer patient'. It's that pale, sallow, no eyebrow, bald, dark circles under the eyes kindof look that prompts complete strangers to stop me randomly and tell me stories about their aunt/uncle/sister so and so who was just diagnosed with cancer. I'm then forced to stand there, smile and nod, tell them not to worry - that their sister/aunt/uncle will get through it etc. I have the definite urge to hide from the world lately for this reason. It's hard to blend in...and I've never been one that is big on the lime-light. Being the "Yes - I am a cancer patient" poster girl is not cool with me right now. Anyway, soon enough my hair will start growing back and I think when it does I might actually wear mascara for a month to celebrate my uber thick, luxurious eyelashes! This is big deal coming from someone who almost never wears make-up. It's weird the things that chemo will do to a gal!
The only major plans I have are to spend a good chunk of March in Ottawa to spend with the folks and friends. I definitely will welcome the change of scenery as I have been feeling like a prisoner of my home lately. I have spent most of the past 2 weeks in my bathrobe and slippers shuffling from room to room like a little old lady in purple. I swear I've gained over 10 pounds...I'm winded just walking around the block. Ah well.
So now I raise my glass (of green tea) to the end of chemo. Hip hip hoooooray!!
Peace to all near and far.
Over and out,