So I have decided to officially declare myself graduated from the cancer experience. I decided to do this the other week when, on my bike, I happened upon a group of graduate students spilling out of their commencement ceremony. It was an amazing, sunny, brilliant afternoon and a gaggle of students, parents, siblings and grandparents posed for pictures with the graduates whose faces glowed with the anticipation of new beginnings. Everyone was squinty eyed and proud, and I found myself so entranced by the scene that I sat under a tree to watch it all unfold.
The first thought I had was that this is yet another "life milestone" moment that I did not have. I didnt feel cynical watching it...I felt instead hopeful for the students, wondering where their lives will take these strangers. It was beautiful to me. I think it was the beauty of fresh starts, blank pages that shine in their stark whiteness.
I also felt a certain amount of pride thinking about my own life, and the countless 'fresh starts' I have had as a result of a kind of non conformist curiosity about life. Anyway, I think it was the first time I had thought of this latest 'post cancer new beginning' in a positive light, and in watching the convocat-ers I recognized my own readiness to step into the future.
Which reminds me that I did have my own Cancer Commencement ceremony of sorts with a friend: The Plate Smashing!
|This plate reads: "they should never|
have put the word 'therapy' after the
word 'chemo'. "Along the sides of the plate is
written"fucking needles" about 10 times.
|Katie in mid smash! We noticed that |
in this pic the plate fragments look
transformed into white birds flying away.
During a visit, a kindred of mine suddenly brought out a bunch of value village plates and a permanent black marker...we then proceeded to write out our laments, complaints, sorrows, rage on said plates. Then we went into the back yard, put goggles on, grabbed a mallet and went to town smashing them - Seriously!! Talk about cathartic. I should mention here that this friend has been through a tragedy of serious mammoth proportions, so it was a needed exercise for both of us. In the aftermath when we were picking up the broken remains of all our plates, Kate commented about how much like life this was....literally picking up the shattered pieces of whatever it happens to be that has blown your life to bits.
|part of the aftermath.|
Anyway, as part of the "moving on" process I'll be moving back to the old blog for the most part. I'll still post here every now and then...but look here to get the latest ramblings if you so wish:
The Waiting Room: www.hulietta.blogspot.com
It strikes me right now, the irony of the name of my old blog.... as I have spent WAY too much time in waiting rooms over the past 8 months, I should probably change the name of the blog....any suggestions?
A brief news update before i sign off:
- had my first oncology 'follow up' earlier in the month and all is well. I am well on the road to being "cured" it sounds like. It was bizarre and slightly uncomfortable to be back in the hospital...but I survived.
- living the life here in Guelph, in total relaxation mode. Been great.
- headed to Ottawa town for the month of July then possibly Newfoundland for August. Looking forward to some travelling adventures.
May all be well with you.