A guide to killing time...

Welcome to a day in the life of "Yours truly" while I am undergoing treatment. I will now take you through a photo play-by-play of some activities I might engage in on a cold and snowy day such as this one. As you will see there is a whole lot time killing going on! BTW - the pill box you see above is the actual pill box that I now have to use due to the myriad of pills I now have to take. Talk about feeling 85!

Knitting!!
This beauty will eventually become a shawl for my mom. Knitting is something I've been doing waaaay too much of lately. It is the perfect killing time activity as you end up with something soft and comfy afterwards. If you need anything knit for yourself, a relative, a friend, a pet etc... let me know. Seriously....

God Bless the BBC.
If you feel yourself a sloth consider this and feel better: yesterday I watched 5 and 1/2 hours of this BBC series. Whats worse - it was made in 1976!!! That is the year I was born!!! You would think the "Duchess of Duke St" made in the late 70's would be intolerable on the boredom front...but I'm totally digging it. I find this both quite amusing and extremely scary.

Breaking out the tunes.
Alright - so I now have to admit that this photo was taken and nary a string was plucked. I have been ignoring this poor little instrument lately (it's that dang knitting I tell you!). Anyway, hopefully some day soon I will play a tune or two on the geeeetar, or Uke, or accordion, or something.

The super huge garden gnome puzzle.
This bad boy is a thousand teeny tiny brain numbing pieces. I didn't really grow up doing puzzles so this was a bit of a random purchase but it is amazing how completely engrossing and obsessive this can get. I'd highly recommend it! (Thanks for the inspiration, Kate!)

Reading, reading, reading...
In this case it is the Dictionary of Newfoundland English. My favorite. For the main-landers who are reading this - yes this is an actual dictionary. Look into it!

Meditateing...or...um...sleeping?
Lately they seem to be the same thing. Ah well. I try.

Tormenting the geriatric cat
Poor Kitty. These days she is often the target of my cabin fever. You can see it in the somewhat terrorized look in her tired old eyes. And yes, she does have seven toes. Poor old gal.

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So there you have it folks. It's been a challenge trying to fill my days with "low impact" things and not pluck my eyes out in sheer frustration in the process. Slowly but surely, though, I am surrendering to the process which, in this case, means giving up on doing many things knowing/trusting that soon enough I will be well enough to do them. This is an intense exercise in patience on many different areas: patience with my body and it's ability to heal, patience with myself and my racing sometimes out-of-control mind, patience with the discomfort and pain my body sometimes experiences, patience with the medical process and "system".

I think the hardest thing has been not having the energy to do the things I normally enjoy. Especially the small things I never paid much or any attention to before. I am finding that the farther I get in the treatments the bigger toll it takes on my body and I am forced to resign myself to at least a week of being house bound. It definitely gives me a new appreciation for people who experience chronic pain of any kind, or things that totally impede enjoyment of life. it is hard for me to believe now that some people go for many many years never having true relief! It is truly mind boggling.

I also came to the realization recently that for the past 4 plus months I have been basically in a survival mode. I'm not sure why or how this fact just struck me, but in realizing this I also realized that there will be an awful lot of processing going on when this is over. As I look ahead into the not too distant future it is hard for me to conceive of life going "back to normal". I have a hard tome remembering what normal is/was for me. Anyway - these are some things I've been thinking about as well.

The light at the end of this tunnel rests in the fact that hopefully I will be done my chemo treatments very soon! My last one should be on the 28th of Feb depending on the results of the PET scan and the CAT scan. Man - so many acronyms!! If these scans some back negative, meaning - the cancer is gone - this means my treatment will be totally finished!! I hope and pray that this is the case.

Last thing - for those f-book folks who have been asking me about good books I have been reading: my favorite series right now is a 4 book fantasy series called "Game of Thrones". I'm usually a Can-lit kindof girl so this is way off what I would normally read - but these are amazing and totally great for escape.

That's it that's all.

Again - many thanks again for all the amazing messages I've been getting. I've been so blown away by all of the people who have been getting in touch with me...thank you for all your thoughts.

much love and peace - julia